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Fame and Fortune in 5 steps
1. You have an original story rolling around in your brain, been there for years. It’s time to write. Go to Fred Meyers; buy large spiral note book, pens, paperback dictionary and a binder. While there check out the plastic picnicware and try on shoes that match nothing. Buy sandwich supplies and water bottle, you will need these while penning the best story since Steinbeck died. Head home inspired and ready.
2. Driving past Best Buy, ponder the pros of writing your inspiration on the computer, editing will be easier. Make U turn to purchase a zip drive to protect your tale of humor and quiet wisdom. Check out the $5 movie bin, put back Ernest goes to Camp, you didn’t like that movie in 1987, and it is still stupid. While bent over looking at a bug zapper, Greg, the 14 year old clerk will offer to help. Ask where they keep the zip drives, staying on task. Turn to walk directly to the rear of the store, then test the 3 D glasses to watch dolphins frolicking in the early mist on a 78 inch color TV. Proceed through home entertainment towards the zip drives. Price printers; you will need one for the profound inspiration of a life well lived. Play Angry Birds on sample tablet, and gasp at the price. A 6 gig zip drive is $39.99 when did that happen? Use two credit cards to pay for laptop with free printer. Much better investment than a zip drive, because you can work anywhere and produce the next New York Times break out hit while at Starbucks.
3. Set alarm for 6:00 AM, you know your muse is sharpest in the mornings. Hit snooze at 6:30, 7, 7:30 and rise at 8:30 sharp. Set up laptop, feed cats, clean litter box, eat cold English muffin. Take a shower, and dress comfortably. Wear raggedy sweater that could have made Sylvia Plathe laugh. Return to Best Buy for a wireless router so you can connect to the internet, as access to Thesarus.com will be mandatory. Brother calls so you meet at Denny’s, and use free beverage coupon that’s due to expire. Stop at Half Price books and spend 2 hours 45 minutes and $127 for cookbooks, writers guide and a mystery series by Tony Hillerman. Immediately upon your return home connect to X-Finity Direct TV and watch Ernest Goes to Camp, cost $2.99, savings of $2.01. Read Coyote Waits until 12:11AM.
4. Set alarm for 7AM to start when you are fresh. 7:40, open lap top, check email and post status on Facebook about starting the next great saga of bravery, struggle, improbable science and deception in medieval Scotland. 2:45 PM sign off Facebook and go back to word document. Spend 3 hours on 500 word prompt based on garlic for Writer’s Kickstart meeting.
5. Call into work at 6:45AM beg for an emergency personal day. Open word doc and type….”It was a dark and stormy night…”